4. Unleashing the Power of Emotions: Transformation through exploration of creative self-expression

Hahaha...that's a mouthful!

The Blog posts titled:

Unleashing the Raw Power of Emotions: A Journey of Self-Discovery

are a series of documentations from a self-discovery, creative process with Expressive Arts that ran over the course of six weeks.

All images and texts herein are original and consent was given to post these here on this website only.

The introduction Blog https://reginegillmann.wixsite.com/art-therapy/post/unleashing-the-raw-power-of-emotions-a-journey-of-self-discovery-through-large-canvas-painting

about large scale painting describes the initial creative process.

Finding Direction Through Reflection

At some stage in our lives, we all face moments where we feel stuck, as if we're reaching for something just beyond our grasp. There's an inner yearning, a sense of something missing. In these uncertain times, we often find ourselves asking, "What do I need?" This simple yet profound question can serve as a guiding light, illuminating our path forward. When we direct this question toward our artwork, the same principle holds true. Asking, "What does my artwork need?" can reveal insights we may not have consciously noticed. It encourages deep reflection on our creative process and intentions. Often, the answers we seek arise from this introspection, helping us rediscover our passion and direction in both life and art.

Artwork 3:

What do I need? // What does my artwork need?

Life isn't static or a still-life...

It's a constant fluctuation of things and energy, a change, progress, process, transformations...

and that's what my art represents...a constant flow and morphing

without a plan...

In my experience, plans don't work out according to my hopes and efforts, so I choose to go with the flow and trust my intuition instead.

The process: exploring, discovering, forms emerge, then transform, painting over, finding a resolution.

I dreamed of flying and dancing simultaneously. It was a dance in the air, effortless and free, weightless, filled with bliss and joy...

I wanted to capture that feeling and express it through painting. I aimed to see it physically represented in my artwork, making it more tangible. However, once the image was transferred onto the canvas, I felt the story—my dream experience—had changed. It seemed old, even outdated. I no longer liked it. It reflected the energy, but I no longer wanted it on the canvas.

It felt too chaotic, too energetic, lacking form.

As I continued painting, images appeared, disappeared, and reappeared... I kept exploring what emerged, allowing it to unfold, and I painted more. This time, I let the images flow and continued painting without stopping or feeling stuck.

Feelings of dissatisfaction surfaced... repeatedly.

Then I realized this was my style of painting... yet, was this style merely a habit, an artistic approach I've carried over the years, or could I change it? Must I accept it as my creative voice, or can I consciously alter it while still expressing my authentic creative voice?

By day five of painting, after what felt like tiptoeing around the edges, trying to perfect the forms, searching for more imagery in the fading images, trying and trying... I reached a point where I hated it!

"What exactly is that you hate?"

Then the answers came: I disliked the bold colors, but I appreciated how the layers overlapped; I disliked the simple forms, the flatness, the absence of light, and the saturation of colors...

"What can you change?"

Everything! I could paint over the entire piece. I could pour white over it and begin anew.

I could also alter the parts I disliked and emphasize those I did like.

The latter option seemed more appealing, so I began to select the forms I liked and highlighted them.

The artwork transformed once more, and so did its energy.

Abandoning it or completely covering it with white would have diminished this energy.

Now, the energy had shifted, allowing the story to be told...

REFLECTION

After week 5 and ongoing reflection on the process of painting this artwork, I had to admit that I didn't like it. Something about it bothered me, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was.

I appreciated the style, the colors, and the energy, but not the piece as a whole.

Then, after spending hours trying to fix various aspects, I realized the lesson this process taught me:

I never learned to express when I dislike something. I was raised to always agree, not to be assertive, and to avoid speaking my mind when I didn't like something.

I felt ashamed when I disagreed or didn't enjoy something, so I never voiced these feelings. Instead, I kept them hidden, fueling my internal agitation. I tried to 'paint' my message with small adjustments to make it 'sound' nice, but I lacked the courage to truly express my disapproval.

All due to the fear of rejection...

And a tendency to please others...

This dream is reflected in the process as well... I feel somewhat powerless in the unfolding of a dream and how it develops, like a puppet of my subconscious mind. Once the dream is dreamt, I can't change it. It leaves me feeling uneasy, restless, awkward, and strange.

Just like the artwork...